New Beginnings

But we appear to have a problem!!  When we have lived without love, or even with neglect or abuse of our humanity in whatever form, our will for good is broken.  We may even  be ruled by the behaviour we have experienced and cannot break from the mould.  Still God has provided for us as far as we can receive it - even minimal shelter and food - but the higher ground of conscious love for God and worship - seems far out of reach.  

But far deeper than the deepest hurts in us, lies the true image in which we are made. 'Man and woman I made them; in My image I made them'. So deep within, His image in us, His Love for all He created, is perpetually seeking to grow and find expression.  This yearning in us often finds expression through 'false gods' - sexual addiction, drugs, alcohol etc.  For me it was work,and diverting my mind from the present moment.

Because my will for good was damaged, and any belief that I could do any good, had long ago been crushed, I did not understand that God knew where I was and all He needed was for me to turn to Him and acknowledge His love and desire to guide and care for me.  Even my desire to do good in work, was of Him but I had no balance in my life, and no real relationships.  In all honesty I could not say I believed in, or chose all His ways......I had too much fear of being controlled or oppressed, distrust in people, dislike of myself and my humanity......   I ticked all the boxes for PTSD!!!  And yet God had kept me working and able to serve because through my mind I still had some aspects of His image operating through me.  I expect you too have His grace, courage and perseverance working in you. But He wants all of us- because while we are continuing in our own strength - we are full of pride covering up our shame, full of self-centredness in an attempt to provide what others have not given us, likely to control others because we do not want to becontrolled.  Oh Lord have mercy.

I now live daily with the prayer, 'Lord I believe, help me overcome my unbelief.'

So all the Lord needs from us, is the tiniest ray of hope from your heart to call out in your pain..."God if you are there, help me.  I cannot do this any more on my own."  God cannot help us deep within, unless we ask Him.